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17th February 2012

What you don’t know

Im writing this not because I want everyone to know my business, but because I’m looking for help, advice, & support. Josh being a drug addict is nothing new to those who think it is. I’m going to have to backtrack a little bit. Josh was in juvy right after I first met him. Why? He had marijuana on him at school & also got in trouble for being on private property. When we started “talking” he has just got out. We started dating a few months later. When we were first dating, he was a homebody. He always sat at home and read or played wii or whatever. He also loved to cook. He got his GED about a year into our relationship and started college a few months later. A few months after he started college, I found out I was pregnant. Which was April of 09. Up until this point josh had been a pretty normal person. Just sat at home, most of the time with me. When I wouldn’t abort the baby, josh changed dramatically. He broke up with me, stopped going to school, and got kicked out of his house. I was dumbfounded by it all. He was literally living in a crack house. I went there once and it was absolutely disgusting. No electricity, holes in the wall, and drugs anywhere. I couldn’t believe the person I loved was like this. I tried so hard to save him but I didn’t know what to do. I was only 15. MTV doesn’t show a lot that happened. They didn’t show me writing a note that said “ultrasound to find out sex of your child June 16 at 12.” and taping it on the door of the crack house. It didn’t show all of the doctors appointments he promised me he’d make it to but never showed. They didn’t show te numerous times we filmed him going to court or when he went to jail or when he went to rehab. But they filmed it all. All of this plays a role as to why he was so crazy. He’s a drug addict. At the end of the episode where we break up at a restraunt, he got special permission to leave rehab to film that scene. The same “rehab” where he first smoked crack. Then when it shows me crying saying I didn’t want him to leave, I’m crying because he was going to jail because of him failing drug tests in rehab. Once he got out of jail for that in may of 2010, we didn’t get back together. I was to focused on school and Lyle to pay any attention to josh, although he’d call every now and then. In August, I knew he had warrants and when I seen him with his 15 yr old girlfriend, I called the police and had him arrested. When he got out of Jail for that in dec, I agreed to giving out relationship one last shot. Ultimately I moved in with him and his family because me and my mom couldn’t get along. Josh went out with friends to Detroit one night and didn’t come back for days. When he finally came home I just knew something wasn’t right. This continued for the next few weeks. One night he came in real late and didn’t know I was still up. I heard him fiddle with the heat vent for a few minutes. Then he went to bed. When he was taking a shower the next morning I looked in the vent and found two needles. I was beyond shocked. I immediately disposed of them so he couldn’t find them. I didn’t say a word. I was sitting on the couch later in the day and I heard him go into the room. He came out looking pretty upset and asked me if Lyle had been near the vent. I went into his room with him and confronted him about it. He told me and said he was sorry but nothing could stop him now. He said he wanted help but not to say anything to anyone. So I didn’t. Finally on new years eve he called me and asked me to steal his dads gun or else he’d shoot up bleach. I decided it was time to tell his mom. She started crying and me and his sister hurriedly drove to where he was. We found him safe and sound and he ended up coming home with us. About 30 mins after coming home he began to have crazy withdrawals. I didn’t know what to do. He was puking and shaking and freaking out. We called an ambulance and the police ended up showing up too since he had warrants we didn’t know about. He served his time in jail and when he got out he went right back at it. I was done. I wasn’t letting myself live this life anymore. I decided to call my mom and come home and of course she said yes. I had all my stuff packed and lyle in the car and josh told me he was going to kill himself. I laughed and said shut up. He held his hand out and in it was a fistfull of sleeping pills. He threw them all in his mouth and swallowed. I screamed for his mom to take him to the hospital. I went home after that. I guess he had his stomach pumped and had to stay for 3 days because he was on suicide watch. I never wanted to be with him again. I still don’t. He went to jail may 2011 and remained there until a month ago, they then transferred him to the same rehab where he first did crack and he ran away 2 weeks later. A week after he ran he was caught and his arms were full of bruises and holes. He’s now in jail till may, again. Ive managed to be on two cheer leading teams, raise my son, get all a’s in school, and deal with this. Not to mention I’m barely 18 and a freshman in college. I’m looking for answers and help because we all feel so hopeless. Thank you. Q

  1. neoncrossing reblogged this from nikkolemtv and added:
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  3. lizzychace said: I went through the same thing at the same time in my life, I was the same age and am so far past it now. You will never stop loving him but theres ways to move on. Message me if you want I really think I could help you. Even a little.
  4. yvettepineda said: At this point from what u have told us it looks as if the only thing that can save him is jail. And thats better than being in an insabe asylum. If he is suicidal and he obviously has some sort of bipolar desease. I wish u all the best but i really think the only one who can…
  5. nikkolemtv posted this