Nikkole Cherie

Vent Session 4/27/13

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 14:27:29 -0400

Wow. I haven’t posted on here in a while now. I have so much on my mind. Both good & bad. I’ve never been so thankful to have Lyle. He really keeps me happy. My mom and I finally get along good again. I started thinking about if I’ve ever loved anyone. I then realized every relationship I’ve had was out of spite… to make someone else mad/jealous. Even Josh. I’ve never just been with someone or started talking to them because they completely caught my eye. I definitely loved Josh though. I loved him so much it hurt. I would’ve done anything for him and he shit on me time and time again. I would literally lay in bed for hours just crying, everyday. Wondering what went wrong and how things ended up the way they did. The first time I lived with him at his parents house is when I fell out of love with him. I wasn’t in love with him anymore but I did love him. Complicated. The person he was then just wasn’t the person I fell in love with. The only reason I even got with the doucher I’m having a baby with is because I thought it would help me forget about Josh. & he did. Once I got pregnant I always felt like I HAD to be with Josh because nobody would accept me and my son but him. I was happy when I found someone who would spend time with me AND Lyle. It changed me a lot. I finally realized I didn’t need Josh like I thought I did. Is it slutty of me to say I had a “f*ck buddy?” I liked this new guy so much, as a friend. We’d get drunk and tell eachother we love each other but I don’t know. There was love there for sure. We spent so many days/nights just laying around talking to each other and doing stupid things. He was one of my best friends. We went on like this for years regardless of the fact he had girlfriends. Most of them found out. I wanted him to be happy. I didn’t want to be with him because I knew he’d cheat probably. I was content with being his friend… or as we called it “bestacles.” As screwed up as it is, I loved being the “homewrecker.” After Josh cheated on me, it felt good to be the girl that got what she wanted but didn’t have to deal with the shitty relationship. When Josh got out of jail the last time, I had 0 intentions of being with him. I didn’t even want Lyle to see him but my mom urged me to let him see him. He was different. He was healthy and smart. I liked him, as a friend. He helped me out with Lyle and he would clean my car and just help me out pretty much. I wouldn’t sleep with him. A couple nights I had him over while my mom was at work and we’d just watch movies. It felt good to be like that again but I still wasn’t IN love with him. One night my mom came home and found Josh there. She kicked me out. I had nowhere to go but Josh’s family’s house. They’ve ALWAYS been there when I needed them. I can’t thank them enough for that. I then felt like I HAD to be with Josh. There would be days I felt so in love with him again but then there were days that I’d remember the past and just wish he’d go away. The past will never change and it will always haunt me and the relationship I have with Josh. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life. My new baby’s dad kept calling me. I didn’t want to go but something in my head told me to. The first time I cheated on Josh I felt awful but at the same time it felt like it was good payback for everything he had put me through. When we moved into our apartment together, I told myself I’d stop. I stopped answering Mike’s calls for the first month. One day Josh made me upset and that night I went to hangout with Mike. I missed him, I can’t lie. He was an escape for me. We had all the elements of a relationship without the relationship. We would sit in my car for hours and not run out of things to say. We’d go do random stupid stuff. He just made me feel better about myself. Me and Josh didn’t get along like that anymore because of all the bullshit between us. There was always some sort of pent up anger. It felt good when I could hangout with someone who I just got along with. Josh started catching on though. I couldn’t find it in myself to tell him. I didn’t want to be with Josh anymore. I wanted to be single. I just thought if I left him, he’d relapse. Since I loved/cared about him… I didn’t want that to happen at all. I tried to make myself happy and Josh happy too but it was so hard. One night, he found Mike at the house. That week is such a big blur for me. I was so lost on what to do. I had to move out that week. Josh came and took everything that was his and Mike stayed with me every night. I was scared for him to leave. I didn’t want to be alone while so much was going on in my head. I felt so bad. Josh ended up going to jail after he overdosed and broke into my house. It was a crazy day/night. I never wanted him to go to prison. He was an amazing dad. I felt so guilty. I still hooked up with Mike maybe 10 times since Josh went to prison… one time I ended up pregnant. At first I was so scared. I just cried. I didn’t know what to say or do. I didn’t tell Mike for a week or two. He was an ass when I did. He begged me to get an abortion and out of fear, I said I would. I went to the consultation. I couldn’t go through with it though. The day before I was supposed to have it we hungout all that night. I cried and tried to tell him I couldn’t do it and he got mad and so once again I promised I’d do it. I obviously didn’t. The day after I lied and said I did it, I texted him telling him I didn’t go through with it. He called me all upset and I said I was kidding. I hated making him mad after all he’s done to my car, etc. He came over that night and we just hungout. He kept looking at me telling me he thought I was lying about having the abortion, I was. I laughed and told him he’s crazy. He looked at my stomach, which was hardly showing and said I still have a little bump. I told him I wouldn’t lose it right away. For the next few weeks I tried to figure out what I should do. I didn’t know how to tell him. I told myself I wouldn’t tell him. Eventually he found out. He started pulling the “it isn’t mine” card. That made me upset. It upsets me that someone who sat there asking me to get an abortion and knowlingly had unprotected sex with me could now sit here and tell other people it isn’t his. It changed the way I saw him immensely. I began to despise him. Then he started pulling the I’m not pregnant card which I still don’t know why he/they did that. I ended up proving myself in the least classiest way possible. I don’t want to get into that though. All this time I’ve just loved my baby so much but I feel SO bad for him. I don’t cry anymore. I use to. I use to ask myself why I would bring someone who’s father doesn’t even want him into this world. What am I doing? I just hope my son always knows that I love him and have always loved him since I knew he existed. Some days I feel so empty. I wish I had children with people I loved or actually a PERSON I loved and was married to and all that. I just don’t see myself every loving someone and trusting them so much that I’d spend FOREVER with them. I get sick of people so easily. I wish I could go back and time. I can’t though. This is my life. People think I’m a huge slut. I have 2 kids with 2 different people and I’m 19. I hate how people perceive me now. Why couldn’t I have at least gotten pregnant by Josh? Two kids with the same guy seems better than two kids with two different people… Ugh. I believe this child has a purpose. There’s some big life lesson that he is going to teach me… besides to not use the pull out method. Everday I fell him and I just feel so much love for him. I feel bad for him too. He doesn’t know how cruel the other half of his family is. They’re a joke. They haven’t treated this situation with respect at all. I like to say I’ll keep him from them but that isn’t what’s best for my son. It’s best he sees his family. I’ve thought about 1000 ways to prevent him from getting custody. Is that wrong? Does he deserve to have custody of a child he’s talked about like this? He doesn’t have anything going for him anyway. It’s not like he’d support him or even be a good role model for him. Alright well I feel better writing this stuff out. Goodbye :)

This is the photo I meant to put in the last post. My friend is...

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 19:44:44 -0500

This is the photo I meant to put in the last post. My friend is 3 weeks ahead of me but this is a photo from when she was 10 weeks. In my photo I’m 10 weeks and 4 days. Just trying to show that everyone shows differently at different times!

My 2 1/2 month belly vs. My best friends 2 1/2 month

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 19:05:00 -0500

belly. I had to post this because so many crazies are trying to say I’m farther along. Ummm NO! lol First of all everyone shows at different times in different ways. They say you show sooner with your second baby. Anyways, my bestfriend is on her first and her belly is a bit bigger than mine even though in this photo we are both 2 1/2 months. She’s obviously even bigger now since she’s 3 weeks ahead of me. But because I’m naturally so small I guess my stomach looks big to people. No worries though. The baby was measuring 7 weeks 6 days at my last ultrasound. And if I had got pregnant by anyone else I would’ve been 12+ weeks. & if you know anything about babies you’d know that a 7 week ultrasound is VERY different from a 12 week lol! I just got sick of Internet haters commenting on my belly! and I’m actually going back for my 12 week next week! Yay!

ADAM FROM TEEN MOM NUDE!?

Sat, 20 Oct 2012 10:42:15 -0400

Check out this PHOTO that even Adam himself posted saying WTF! Adam says it isn’t him but he found it funny!

Josh's job!

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 18:12:31 -0400

Want to know what Josh’s job is!? He’s a car salesman!

Maci's boyfriend revealed!

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 16:34:45 -0400

@MaciBookoutMTV
going to weddings makes me realize im just gonna have Bentley be my boyfriend forever.

I had touy a pregnancy test today!

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 18:20:22 -0400

Yup i was walking out of walmart when a young girl asked me if i would buy one for her (she thought you had to be 18 to buy one lol). Well i ended up buying one for her… i told her i would pray for her no matter what happens & gave her my number and told her if she needs anything im only a call away

DANIELLE ALMOST DIES!!

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:03:36 -0400

16 & Pregnant star Danielle Cunningham almost died last night!! Here’s what she said via Facebook:

I experienced a VERY tragic thing lastnight. i passed out and quit responding and was in coma condition, and even stopped breathing and turned blue. my bestfriends & boyfriend rushed me to the hospital. i was completely blue and not breathing. The doctors put tubes down my throat and oxygen into lungs. they said that if i would of waited even 15 more minutes i would be brain dead right now or dead. I had alot of people there for me. love you all♥

I'M ENGAGED!!

Sun, 07 Oct 2012 19:46:23 -0400

Joshua popped the question at midnight on my birthday! We were in front of all of our best friends & he gave me a long heart-felt speech! I started crying & said yes haha

Photo

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 20:13:12 -0400

Photo

Sat, 05 May 2012 16:57:35 -0400

How I stay fit!

Sat, 05 May 2012 12:10:13 -0400

Okay I don’t really “work out” BUT there are things I do throughout the day/week to help keep my body in shape!

1. Take the stairs - If it’s less than 10 flights of stairs, I take the stairs. It sounds like a pain in the butt(which it literally is) but it helps your legs and your booty stay nice and firm :)

2. Don’t take the closest parking spot - When I go to school I park FAR from where I have class at or when I go to the mall I park in the back. It burns just a few extra cals but it definitely helps!

3. Dance Around! - During the day I turn on music while I do whatever and just dance around. Have you ever seen the commercials for all the dancing workouts? Well trust me it works! Sometimes I’ll even feel sore the next day from all the dancing I did haha!

4. Don’t eat fast food! - Fast food is LOADED with cals and fats and basically ANYTHING unhealthy for you! I RARELY eat fast food and if I do I make sure I choose something on the healthier side! If you work and HAVE to buy it, make sure you make a plan to start packing a nice healthy lunch, like I do!

5. DONT BUY UNHEALTHY FOOD - If you have bad foods in your house, you will be tempted to eat them & you WILL eat them, I promise. You might say, well I have kids in the house and my husband blah blah! NO! First of all those bad diet habits you have started when you were a kid! If you switch to buying healthy foods and snacks instead of unhealthy ones it could really impact your childs life for the better. You don’t want them to end up with a diet like yours do you? If you don’t buy the bad food to put it in the house, then you just won’t eat it!

6. Snacks - Snacks are good for you because they keep your metabolism going. A snack should be like an apple, celerey & peanutbutter, or some string cheese. Don’t eat unhealthy snacks!

7. DO NOT DRINK POP - I know it gets your through your day or you’re just plain ol addicted but I promise you this is why that bulge isn’t going away! If you stop drinking pop and don’t even do anything else, you will drop a few pounds in just one month. If you subsistute your morning pop for an apple, it will have the SAME effect!

8. Small Proportions - I use to have a REALLY bad habit of putting more on my plate than I should & then feeling obligated to eat it all! Instead, put LESS on your plate that you think would make you full. Eat that plate and in half an hour, if you still feel hungry, have a small snack!

9. Drink LOTS of water - During the day drink water, tea, and juice. Sometimes when you think you’re hungry, you’re really just thirsty! If you drink a bottle of water you might notice that “hunger” feeling go away!

10. Go for walks - I like to put in my headphones and take a walk around the block. Not only is it an AMAZING stress reliever, it does wonders for your body. Burns cals and tones you up! Some people get bored of going for walks around their neighborhood so I suggest switching it up! Sometimes I’ll go to the park to walk or even take Lyle with me!

11. Pay attention! - Pay attention to what you eat during the day. I use to just eat and eat and not even realize how much I’d eaten until the end of the day and be like DAMN! Instead, count those cals and even plan out how you’re going to eat during the day so you don’t go over the limit. I, myself, try to stick around 1250 cals a day.

12. Join in - Play with your kids! Go run around the yard with them, pull them in their wagon, jump on the trampoline, or go swimming together. They’re all fun things to do without even noticing that you’re getting exercise.

13. Chores - Some chores require a little labor and help out with burning a few extra cals. Such as mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage!

Alright there are 13 little things I do that help me keep my body looking the way it does! They’re pretty basic and maybe a little silly but they really do help :)

I’ll add more if anyone has suggestions or I think of more things I do!

No pics of her ACTUAL boobs yet but this is a good estimate! I...

Wed, 02 May 2012 20:52:17 -0400

No pics of her ACTUAL boobs yet but this is a good estimate! I know they’ll look good on her tiny body! Can’t wait to see pics!!

See the camera woman filming!? That’s a...

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 20:51:49 -0400

See the camera woman filming!? That’s a 16&Pregnant/TeenMom camera person… so it looks like we will be seeing Kenzie on the NEW Teen Mom 3!

Do you think they look alike?

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 21:21:13 -0400

Do you think they look alike?

New pic of Josh for those who are curious at to what he looks...

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 23:10:02 -0400

New pic of Josh for those who are curious at to what he looks like now!

Update

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 20:26:50 -0400

Most people who follow up on my life already know this, but Josh is out of jail. At first, I didn’t even really want him to be around Lyle. He was already acting a fool as soon as he got out. Even though he messed up, I gave him another chance to be a dad. We took Lyle to a park and they played all day long. It was the first time I truly saw him bond with Lyle. It was a good feeling but to be honest I was a little jealous when Lyle wanted to play with Josh more than he did with me. We’ve continued to not worry about a relationship & just focus on being friends and making a nice environment for Lyle. No, Josh isn’t a drug addict anymore. BUT, yes, he is a RECOVERING DRUG ADDICT. Do I trust Josh with my child alone? No. But if he is in the company of his parents, of course I will trust Josh to watch Lyle. It’s going to be tough but hopefully he can finally get his life together and be the dad he needs to be. He doesn’t need negative people in his life saying “ONLY 3 months sober.” He needs positive people who say “Dang, 3 months!? that’s great, hopefully many more to come.” I’m proud of Josh so far. Lyle seems to really admire him. Let’s pray he continues to step up & STAY SOBER!!

you said josh went to detroit one night? i didnt know you were from michigan, well i am too. and although i dont have a child yet, ive been going thru the same thing with my boyfriend/ex boyfriend for a long time. if you want to talk about it or anything EVER, im always up for a conversation. as for right now, just be sure to stay true to you and make sure that baby has the best life you yourself could possibly give. stay beautiful love <3 -kendra

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 21:25:08 -0400

thank you :) maybe we will meet one day

What you don't know

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 12:20:48 -0500

Im writing this not because I want everyone to know my business, but because I’m looking for help, advice, & support. Josh being a drug addict is nothing new to those who think it is. I’m going to have to backtrack a little bit. Josh was in juvy right after I first met him. Why? He had marijuana on him at school & also got in trouble for being on private property. When we started “talking” he has just got out. We started dating a few months later. When we were first dating, he was a homebody. He always sat at home and read or played wii or whatever. He also loved to cook. He got his GED about a year into our relationship and started college a few months later. A few months after he started college, I found out I was pregnant. Which was April of 09. Up until this point josh had been a pretty normal person. Just sat at home, most of the time with me. When I wouldn’t abort the baby, josh changed dramatically. He broke up with me, stopped going to school, and got kicked out of his house. I was dumbfounded by it all. He was literally living in a crack house. I went there once and it was absolutely disgusting. No electricity, holes in the wall, and drugs anywhere. I couldn’t believe the person I loved was like this. I tried so hard to save him but I didn’t know what to do. I was only 15. MTV doesn’t show a lot that happened. They didn’t show me writing a note that said “ultrasound to find out sex of your child June 16 at 12.” and taping it on the door of the crack house. It didn’t show all of the doctors appointments he promised me he’d make it to but never showed. They didn’t show te numerous times we filmed him going to court or when he went to jail or when he went to rehab. But they filmed it all. All of this plays a role as to why he was so crazy. He’s a drug addict. At the end of the episode where we break up at a restraunt, he got special permission to leave rehab to film that scene. The same “rehab” where he first smoked crack. Then when it shows me crying saying I didn’t want him to leave, I’m crying because he was going to jail because of him failing drug tests in rehab. Once he got out of jail for that in may of 2010, we didn’t get back together. I was to focused on school and Lyle to pay any attention to josh, although he’d call every now and then. In August, I knew he had warrants and when I seen him with his 15 yr old girlfriend, I called the police and had him arrested. When he got out of Jail for that in dec, I agreed to giving out relationship one last shot. Ultimately I moved in with him and his family because me and my mom couldn’t get along. Josh went out with friends to Detroit one night and didn’t come back for days. When he finally came home I just knew something wasn’t right. This continued for the next few weeks. One night he came in real late and didn’t know I was still up. I heard him fiddle with the heat vent for a few minutes. Then he went to bed. When he was taking a shower the next morning I looked in the vent and found two needles. I was beyond shocked. I immediately disposed of them so he couldn’t find them. I didn’t say a word. I was sitting on the couch later in the day and I heard him go into the room. He came out looking pretty upset and asked me if Lyle had been near the vent. I went into his room with him and confronted him about it. He told me and said he was sorry but nothing could stop him now. He said he wanted help but not to say anything to anyone. So I didn’t. Finally on new years eve he called me and asked me to steal his dads gun or else he’d shoot up bleach. I decided it was time to tell his mom. She started crying and me and his sister hurriedly drove to where he was. We found him safe and sound and he ended up coming home with us. About 30 mins after coming home he began to have crazy withdrawals. I didn’t know what to do. He was puking and shaking and freaking out. We called an ambulance and the police ended up showing up too since he had warrants we didn’t know about. He served his time in jail and when he got out he went right back at it. I was done. I wasn’t letting myself live this life anymore. I decided to call my mom and come home and of course she said yes. I had all my stuff packed and lyle in the car and josh told me he was going to kill himself. I laughed and said shut up. He held his hand out and in it was a fistfull of sleeping pills. He threw them all in his mouth and swallowed. I screamed for his mom to take him to the hospital. I went home after that. I guess he had his stomach pumped and had to stay for 3 days because he was on suicide watch. I never wanted to be with him again. I still don’t. He went to jail may 2011 and remained there until a month ago, they then transferred him to the same rehab where he first did crack and he ran away 2 weeks later. A week after he ran he was caught and his arms were full of bruises and holes. He’s now in jail till may, again. Ive managed to be on two cheer leading teams, raise my son, get all a’s in school, and deal with this. Not to mention I’m barely 18 and a freshman in college. I’m looking for answers and help because we all feel so hopeless. Thank you. Q

means something to me.

Sat, 03 Dec 2011 15:49:01 -0500

means something to me.